Saturday, March 17, 2007

Jesus Found, Alive & Well!

According to a report in 'The Independent’ today, Jesus has been found alive and well in Papua New Guinea, where he now faces charges of murder and cannibalism, amongst other heinous acts.

However, the authorities maintain that this self-styled ‘Black Jesus’ was a false prophet – as if the so-called ‘real’ one was otherwise – even though he had built up a congregation of some 6,000 people by promising them that fame and fortune would be theirs if they followed him.

His real name is Steven Tari, who had been studying at a bible college to become a Lutheran Pastor until he disputed the teachings of the so-called ‘holy book’, dropped-out, and re-appeared in the mountains wearing white flowing robes, barefoot, and surrounded by thousands of followers.

The report continues…

Soon, disturbing stories began to surface, particularly about the dozens of "flower girls" whom he recruited, some as young as eight years old. They were allegedly used as sex slaves by Tari and his bodyguards.

Police are investigating the murder of three girls whose flesh Tari allegedly ate after they were killed. According to police, one girl, Rita Herman, was offered up by her own mother, Barmarhal, who forced her to have sex with "Black Jesus" and then stabbed her to death.

Subsequently, ‘Jesus’ was arrested by the New Guinea Police and charged, but released on bail to undergo ‘counselling’ by a Lutheran Pastor who then helped him to abscond and evade justice. It is reported that this Pastor had “fallen under Tari’s influence”.

Amusingly, the report includes this unintentional gem…

Papua New Guinea, like most of the Pacific, was colonised by missionaries, and the country is nominally Christian, with a strong Lutheran Church presence.But superstition and witchcraft continue to hold sway, particularly in more isolated areas.(emphasis added)

Ultimately the locals became disenchanted with Jesus’ shenanigans, and co-operated with the authorities to arrest him and bring him to justice.

Subsequent to his arrest, he was taken to the local town of Madang, where 2,000 people had gathered outside the police station to get a glimpse of the infamous cult leader. They shouted insults and taunts as ‘Jesus’, still carrying a battered bible, was taken into the cells.

The report claims this is an “ignominious exit for the self-styled son of God”, but fails to address the question, “What makes this ‘Jesus’ any less veridical that the alleged original?”

At least this one actually existed.

2 comments:

Alan Mackenzie said...

Liam,

Have you see this site?

http://www.jesusneverexisted.com/

Rather amusing.

Alan.

The Merchant of Menace said...

No, but I have now.

Thanks for the link.

Amusing indeed, with a lot of unpalatable facts for the god-fabricators to have an apoplexy over.