Sunday, April 08, 2007

Shocking Revelation on Easter Sunday!

Dr Rowan Williams shocked his congregation today with his frank confession before donning a funny hat and proceeding to tell the assemblage of sycophants silly stories about someone called Jewsuss of Nobody.

The assemblage fell about laughing at the risible tale of this third-rate carpenter being nailed to a plank of wood, dying horribly as he deserved, and then apparently being resurrected by his allegedly supernatural Daddy in the sky, when everyone knows that the whole story is a complete and utter fabrication from beginning to end.

Still, if it wasn't for this sort of ridiculous entertainment, a large section of the mentally dysfunctional would have nothing to occupy their vacuous little minds with, so we shouldn't be too harsh in our judgement of them.

But as the Archbish said after the gig, "That was a nice little earner; it'll keep me going in Chateau Mouton Rothschild for a week or two." But when he was asked about his surprising confession, he replied in his usually opaque style "Oh that. Well, everyone knows that religion is entirely humbug. But when I say 'everyone', you understand, I mean simply those who are capable of thinking critically for themselves. That is, so to say, those who are not persuaded by dogma or childhood indoctrination. But for the rest of them, well, I'm performing a sort of social service, you know, like some sort of psychiatric nurse ensuring that my patients keep taking their psychotropic medication. That analogy is quite apt, you see, because it is an acknowledged fact that so-called 'religious belief' is actually not what epistemologists call 'justified true belief', being nothing more than a misplaced faith in some supernatural nonsense, which, as everyone knows, is actually a symptom of delusional psychosis. Hence my reference to psychiatric nursing and appropriate medication. Apposite, what? Now then, must be off. The gig's over for another year, and I've got other fish to fry."

With that he winked, lifted up his skirts, and vanished into the cloisters.

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