Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Religious Take on 'Faith Toys'

Seems that the 'First Assembly of God', or FAGS as they prefer to be known, endorses my view (expressed here) that 'Jesus' dolls are just so much dreck for the mentally subnormal to give to their children to play with.

If it wasn't for the fact that their reasons for objecting to these hideous so-called 'faith toys' were not in themselves evidence of their own dysfunctional psychological need to 'believe' in a mythical Daddy-in-the sky, one might even have some sympathy for their 'crusade' to excoriate those morons who buy this crap.

A spokesperson for Wally-Mart said...
We are naturally disappointed that a bible-belt church feels that our decision to sell this crap these faithful replicas of Jesus is misplaced.
Whilst a spokesperson for the 'Black Wizard Chapter' of Montgomery, Alabama said...
Hell, we just love sticking pins into these Jesus thingies whilst strangling dumb animals and murdering babies.
The spokesperson added...
And don't make the mistake of thinking the word 'black' in our title is a synonym for coloured folks 'cos it's not - they're all too ready to praise the so-called 'Lord' who enslaved them.
Meanwhile, the CEO of the company behind these gimcrack gewgaws said...
We're hoping this new line does well as it's been tough trading since the collapse of our adult sex-toy business. Mind you, the news that Satanic groups are buying them up wholesale to use in their vile orgies sort of puts us right back into the sleaze business.
Amazing what some people will do for a buck, or a laugh.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Faith Toys For Morons

In a desperate bid to stem the tide of reason and atheism that is sweeping the US, faith groups are promoting religious toys which recite appropriate messages to children so that they can more readily be brainwashed into believing the same nonsense as their parents.

One such toy is the foot high version shown alongside. Appropriately enough it is called Jesus, and shows this mythical creature to be a regular Cecil B DeMille type, that is to say, regular-featured, white, Caucasian, long-haired, full-bearded, and dressed in a spotless long white gown, who spouts the usual platitudes and non-sequiturs, an example of which is shown.

Apparently, if one sticks a digit up Jesus' rectum, he will say other things too, such as...
Ooh, you are so manly, Peter
and
I love wearing frocks, don't you?
not to mention the pièce de résistance
Atheist are libertines, communists and God-hating degenerate faggots!

Apparently Wal-Mart, the biggest retailer in the US if not the entire cosmos, is stocking this rubbish in 425 of its 3,376 stores later this month situated in the Midwest and South, the country's religious imbecilic heartlands.

A spokesman said...
We used to be accused of dealing with demographic groups D and E, but now we are striking out to reach the real socio-intellectual-economic dross with this range of toys which are produced specifically for morons.
The toys are manufactured by a Californian company (where else is more famous for kooks and degenerates?), that goes by the name of One2believe and the CEO hopes to make lots of bucks selling this shoddy dreck to those unintelligent enough to actually believe that there is any credible evidence whatsoever that this mythical person ever existed.

Apparently George Bush has put his name down for one of the first off the production line. His wife Laura said...
I'd rather he played with that horrible toy than his horrible cock.
Quite so, but frankly, Laura, I don't mind which he plays with as long as he stops pretending that he's the leader of the world and invading countries because (that other mythical creature) 'God' told him to.

Meanwhile, I'm going long in Wal-Mart stock, because this sort of crap is really going to boost their bottom line, NOT!