Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Religious Take on 'Faith Toys'

Seems that the 'First Assembly of God', or FAGS as they prefer to be known, endorses my view (expressed here) that 'Jesus' dolls are just so much dreck for the mentally subnormal to give to their children to play with.

If it wasn't for the fact that their reasons for objecting to these hideous so-called 'faith toys' were not in themselves evidence of their own dysfunctional psychological need to 'believe' in a mythical Daddy-in-the sky, one might even have some sympathy for their 'crusade' to excoriate those morons who buy this crap.

A spokesperson for Wally-Mart said...
We are naturally disappointed that a bible-belt church feels that our decision to sell this crap these faithful replicas of Jesus is misplaced.
Whilst a spokesperson for the 'Black Wizard Chapter' of Montgomery, Alabama said...
Hell, we just love sticking pins into these Jesus thingies whilst strangling dumb animals and murdering babies.
The spokesperson added...
And don't make the mistake of thinking the word 'black' in our title is a synonym for coloured folks 'cos it's not - they're all too ready to praise the so-called 'Lord' who enslaved them.
Meanwhile, the CEO of the company behind these gimcrack gewgaws said...
We're hoping this new line does well as it's been tough trading since the collapse of our adult sex-toy business. Mind you, the news that Satanic groups are buying them up wholesale to use in their vile orgies sort of puts us right back into the sleaze business.
Amazing what some people will do for a buck, or a laugh.

2 comments:

Revenant said...

"faithful replicas of Jesus"

Considering no one knows what Jesus, if he really existed, looked like, it's a specious statement.

Isn't this considered idolatry anyway? There was no Jesus when the 10 Suggestions were enacted, so any idols are a sin, even the crucifix.

The Merchant of Menace said...

Of course they know - he was white, naturally, luscious long brown locks, naturally, with a well-trimmed full beard and moustache, naturally, and he wore a flowing white robe, naturally, with a pretty little belt tied round the middle, eh, naturally. Oh, and he was also into masochistic sex, in particular he just loved being nailed to a cross and having sharp implements thrust into him, or so the fairy-tale goes.

As for your suggestion that these religious artefacts contravene the commandments that Muses claims he was given by Godot, you must know that the buffoons who claim to be religious are always willing to dispense with the parts of their so-called 'faith' that they don't wish to comply with. Just imagine how impossible life would be for them if they actually had to do unto others as they would like others to do unto them.

Guffaw.