Friday, December 07, 2007

Holiday in France - Save Time In Hell.

OK, so the headline isn't quite accurate, but it is lot more so than the silly nonsense put out by the Roman Catholic church and Pope Benedict XVI yesterday.

According to the Vatican, Il Poopoo is offering relief from purgatory to Roman Catholics who travel to Lourdes over the next year, but when I want relief, I prefer something that is guaranteed to work, like cassia angustifolia, (senna pods to you), rather than the magical mumblings of a moronic misologist like Benny Ratsarse.

For those of you who are not as daft as the average catholic - or as willing to prey on the dysfunctional and delusional amongst us as the average cleric - Il Poopoo's deal allegedly works like this:
Pilgrims to the shrine of 'Our Lady of Lourdes' will be granted 'plenary indulgences' from Benny Ratsarse, which the catholic church multi-national business which he runs says will reduce the time spent being 'washed' of sin after death. The indulgences will be available from this weekend until Dec 8, 2008, providing you drop enough dosh into the maw of the church's coffers.
But those of you who can't make the trip to the extremely unpleasant little town of Lourdes needn't worry, for Il Excrementia has another plan to shear you from your dosh:
For those who cannot make the journey to France, the Pope will also grant indulgences to Catholics morons who pray at places of worship dedicated to the 'Madonna of Lourdes' from Feb 2 to Feb 11. Indulgences may also be granted under special circumstances to people too sick to visit the shrine, the Vatican said.
Now isn't that heart-warming! The catholic church will prey on those who are unable to pray at the real deal - Lourdes, the place where 150 years ago a half-mad, delusional and sexually-abused illiterate peasant girl claimed that the mythical figure of the 'Madonna' appeared to her in a vision. Well, at least that stopped all her male relatives shagging her as they realised that they could make more money out of exploiting her mad tale instead and, naturally, the catholic church was quick to jump on the money-making bandwaggon.

And so, the prosperity of a rather ugly and extremely unpleasant little town in south-west France was assured, as was the continued exploitation of the gullible, dysfunctional and just downright mad by the Roman Catholic church - a tradition which Benny Ratsarse, Il Poopoo Benedict XVI continues to this day.

3 comments:

papalazarou said...

For relief I favour Preparation H or, at a pinch, Anusol. I certainly do not rely on archaic mumbo jumbo from a certifiable madman via a sexual hysteric!

Odd huh?

papalazarou said...

Sadly neither of these scientific preparation relieves the pain in the arse that mad god botherers give me.

The Merchant of Menace said...

Frankly I don't care what these mad theists care to think in private but I do object strongly to the fact that they want to impose their delusion psychopathology onto those of us who do not share their dysfunctional needs and pathetic psychological insecurities.

Can you imagine the brouhaha if worshippers of Ctulthu or the Elder Ones insisted that everyone else on earth shared their delusional psychopathy?

Or what if the admirers of the Necronomicron declared that it was the inerrant words of the gods, dictated by a passing archangel to Abdul Al-Alhazred whilst he sat on top of Mount Arafat playing with his genitals?

The truth of the matter is that theists are either mentally ill or highly exploitative charlatans but it is obvious which is which - the charlatans are the ones who exploit others, like ALL clerics - the Pope included.