Friday, February 20, 2009

Who Says Christains Are Mad?

Hi, I'm Charles V Danziger III.

When I told my psychiatrist that I believed that a tribe of magical two-headed dwarves lived under my bed and came out to play tricks on me only after I had fallen asleep, he diagnosed me as suffering from delusional psychosis and prescribed a course of risperidone to counter my psychotic behaviour.

On my next visit, however, I told him that I no longer believed in dwarves under my bed, but instead had come to believe in a magical giant who lived in the sky and who had created everything, including my disturbed fantasies, my psychiatrist asked me if this giant had a name. When I told him that the giant's name was 'God', the psychiatrist immediately fell upon his knees, raised both arms in supplication, begged mercy from my ephemeral, all-powerful giant, and pronounced me sane.

Actually he didn't, because they never do, but what he did say was that because my delusions were now fixated on a culturally sanctioned nonsensical and unsupported belief system, the psychiatric profession pusillanimously refused to categorise them as qualitatively undifferentiated from my earlier delusions regarding magic dwarves living under my bed. In short, my learned professional insisted, even though my proclaimed belief in 'God' was unsubstantiated in reality, his profession was prepared to overlook my latest delusional beliefs because to do otherwise would attract attacks from the powerful cadre of manipulators and extortionists who have set themselves up as the special and knowledgeable spokespersons for this so-called God that they promulgate to the psychologically damaged and needy like myself.

As if anyone would do such an underhand thing as to proclaim that God exists if He didn't!

As my priest said to me when I subsequently recounted all this to him, "Why do you think God sent those dwarves to torment you if it wasn't to direct you to Him?"

Why indeedy, Mr Psychiatrist!

So, now Father Aloysius and I spend lovely evenings together in mutual masturbation whilst he tells me wonderful stories about God and his magical son Jesus and how I'm now one of the chosen ones that will live for ever after in Never-Never-Land (which the ignorant refer to as 'Heaven') whilst all you unbelievers will simply die and cease to exist.

Who says Christians are mad?

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