This is God speaking.
I just want you to know that I care and that I'm listening.
Unfortunately the power of prayer is unreliable, which is why I have opened up a new telephone hotline to enable you
The number to call from the UK is (00)31 644 244901, but callers from other countries will have to consult their international dialling code booklet for the appropriate prefix for The Netherlands where my trans-galactic office is situated for the moment (why should I have to do everything for you, you lazy sods).
Unfortunately, due to the pressure of work, I am not able to to take your calls personally, but you will hear a recording which states:
"This is the voice of God, I am not able to speak to you at the moment, but please leave a message."(but see footnote)Some detractors and evil-minded atheist scum have proclaimed that the fact that I am unable to deal with everyone's telephone calls simultaneously proves that I am not omniscient, but that is to misunderstand what is meant by that term.The fact of the matter is that I chooses to limit my omniscience in order to preserve the freewill and dignity of my
Actually, truth be told, I'm not God, and it isn't my answer phone, though the number is real and does work (try it and see you
In fact, the whole thing is the idea of Dutch artist Johan van der Dong of Grijpskerk in the Netherlands. Johan wants God to be reachable by everyone so people can leave Him messages. Meanwhile, Johan's psychiatrist, Aldo Van Sprinklees, has gone on record as saying that he is responding well to his new medication and that he should soon be fit for discharge from the secure unit where he is currently residing.
According to the BBC, critics say the project mocks those with religious beliefs.
As if such a thing was ever likely to happen.
Unfortunately God is monoglottal, so this message is delivered only in Dutch, therefore, unless one speaks that rather unmellifluous language, one will have to take this writer's word for the translation into a civilised tongue.